She is one of those women people describe as “strong.” But her strength does not come from toughness. It comes from her ability to be empathetic and attentive. Natalia is sincere, warm-hearted and kind. Whatever she takes on, she does with joy and with all her heart. She has a beautiful voice, and when she sings Ukrainian songs, they reach straight into the depths of the soul.

 

In Ukraine, Natalia worked in an office, ran her own business and made plans for the future. In Germany, she works with children – attentive, caring, responsible and, at the same time, cheerful. An educator who truly understands children. A woman who can be a manager, accountant, craftswoman, cook, entrepreneur or gardener – and wherever she goes, she finds a way to put a part of herself into what she does.

 

Let us return in our thoughts to Ukraine. What did you do before the war? What was your life like?

 

— My life was wonderful. I had everything my heart desired. My husband and I had our own small business. I was also involved in my parents’ family business – they produced gravestones and other funeral-related products and provided related services. I worked with them, taking orders while developing my own business at the same time.

One month before the full-scale war began, a company offered me a position as a manager responsible for communication and developing the Polish market. I speak some Polish, and they offered me a very good salary and excellent prospects. A little later, I might even have been able to head an entire department.

 

Why are you in Germany rather than Poland?

 

— I had already worked in Poland. People used to tell me: “Your language skills are good, you know how to work with clients, why don’t you stay?” But when the war started, everyone went there, and I became one of twenty people standing behind a fence.

I stayed in Ukraine for quite a long time after the war began. Together with my husband, we started a small business making semi-finished foods: pelmeni and varenyky. I love working with dough. I even talk to it, and I believe that it carries not only taste but also health for those who eat it.

 

What did “working from home” mean to you?

 

— I worked in sales because I love money and I love working. I sold various products online – both for another company and for my own business. I prepared catalogues. But by education I am a teacher, and I am also an accountant. Teaching is my calling. Accounting is something I can do. I am a good manager, very communicative, and I know how to find common ground with everyone.

 

What was it like working during the war?

 

— The horror began for us on the very first day. We were simply trying to survive. We were even under occupation for a short time, although we hardly noticed it because we were hiding in basements in Bashkirivka. I had prepared everything: food, water and everything we needed. An acquaintance had a wholesale warehouse and opened it at certain times. We bought everything there – for ourselves, for the dog and for the chickens. We had a small farm and had to feed everyone.

At one point I heard that people were being paid their wages in sausage. We had money – I had just received my salary – so I ran there and exchanged the sausage for money. We had to survive.

 

When did you decide to leave?

 

— When I realized that the war was going to last and that I was losing opportunities. As long as I am young and still want to work, I can achieve a lot. And later, when I am older, perhaps I could return to Ukraine and live there.

Six months before the war, I had bought half of a house I had dreamed of. It was damaged and the windows were blown out … but the house is still standing.

 

You arrived without knowing German. What goals did you set for yourself?

 

— I started going to the Jobcenter without an interpreter. At first, a woman from Caritas helped me, and then I went on my own, with my terrible German at the time. I found a language course very quickly. I received permission that same day. I went there and said, “I want to start learning now.” And they accepted me.

I had a wonderful teacher, Simone Schmalz. Thanks to her, I fell in love with German. I learned quickly and passed the exam. I also dealt with everything at the Jobcenter quickly because they could see that I knew what I wanted.

 

What did you want?

 

— To work with children – in a kindergarten or another institution for children. Eventually, I worked with children who need special attention at the SLW – St. Maria Fürstenzell centre.

The work was difficult, especially psychologically. But I really liked it. I know how to help a child who needs support. I am an educator who keeps developing, reading and looking for solutions. I cannot simply stand by.

 

Did this work make you stronger?

 

— I don’t know. I changed. I discovered better qualities in myself. I learned to remain calm and professional with children in critical situations.

 

What do you enjoy doing?

 

— I used to love cooking. I have a sewing machine and can sew or repair small things. I love gardening. Even in my first apartment, I grew tomatoes, herbs and flowers, although I barely had any space. I grew a fig tree from a cutting and sent it to my mother in Ukraine – and it now bears fruit there.

Now we have a home with a small garden, and I am already planning what I will plant in spring.

 

Where do you escape from difficult thoughts?

 

— Facebook. It is a dopamine trap. I deliberately fell into it to cope with the stress after losing my job. But now I am climbing out: I listen to meditations and psychology podcasts and read professional books. I watch series in German – my brain resists, but I don’t give up.

Everyone thinks I am tough and strong. But I am like a sea anemone: hard on the outside, jelly on the inside.

 

What does Ukraine mean to you?

 

— It is my home! Although I no longer really know where my home is.

My father was born in Kazakhstan, and my mother is half Russian. For a long time, I identified as Russian and had fallen under the influence of propaganda. Then I started filtering the information I consumed. I am Ukrainian.

My mother is a Ukrainian poet. She taught me Ukrainian songs. She stayed in Ukraine. She does not want to leave.

 

Where do you get your strength?

 

— I don’t know. I don’t really have any left. I already want to see a psychologist. It is very difficult to cope with the pain alone. Every day I gather my strength back together.

 

Have you always been good at pulling yourself together?

 

— I am a strong person, but my resources are being used up very quickly here. There is a lot of stress.

 

What would you like to replace the stress with?

 

— I haven’t thought about it yet. Maybe creativity – I am trying to write. I want to create a therapeutic book for children. Educational work and learning interest me. With children, you always have to stay focused and composed. It is a difficult and responsible profession: every word influences the future.

I always knew I would work with children. I love them and understand them. When we had guests, everyone would sit around the table, while I would be with the children. I find them interesting. They fill me with energy. I don’t like adults touching me. But children are different – with them, anything is okay. They give me strength.

 

How do you see yourself today, despite all the changes in your life?

 

— I realized that either you accept yourself, or nothing will work. There is only one option – to accept and love yourself. Yesterday I listened to a meditation in which I heard: “You have the right to everything simply because you were born.” That really resonated with me. Because I always thought that even love for yourself had to be earned. Now I love myself simply because I exist.

 

What do you dream about?

 

— Dreams … that is difficult. For many years I have been trying to understand what I actually dream about. I have goals. Realistic and achievable ones.

I want to obtain a C1 certificate and reach the corresponding level of language proficiency. I want to work at the Jugendamt or teach German. I want to work with children! I want a lot! And if I have goals, I will achieve them.

                                                                                                                                                              Interview and editorial editing:

                                                                                                                               Slava Onufryk, Ukrainian journalist and volunteer