Imagine a person who designs complex engineering mechanisms during the day, races along the motorway on a black Honda in the evening, wearing a helmet with horns, and on Sundays and holidays puts on a traditional Bavarian dress and sings in a village church choir. Meet Tamara.
In Kharkiv, she designed engines for tanks; in Bavaria, she teaches local people how to make traditional Ukrainian paper cut-outs, vytynanky. This is a conversation about combining Ukrainian embroidery with Gothic aesthetics, why ADHD can help you live life to the fullest, and why the Bavarian dialect reminds her of purring cats.
Tamara, most Ukrainians ended up abroad because they were forced to leave. Your story sounds somewhat different, although you also moved because of the war.
— I finally moved to Germany around December 2022. But simply dropping everything and leaving for the unknown is not something I can do — that is not who I am. Before that, I had already come here twice, in May and September. I wanted to see the country, experience it and understand whether it was actually right for me.
The beginning of the war was the same for me as for everyone else: I left Kharkiv on the first day. First, I went to Uzhhorod. I lived there for six months and volunteered at a humanitarian hub. We did all sorts of things just to stay involved and be useful. At that time, someone close to me had joined the military, and I really wanted to contribute to helping.
Then I moved to Kyiv, and later I packed my things and my dog, got into my car and left for Germany.
— What emotions did you have when you left Ukraine? Was it fear or hope?
— It was a completely conscious and carefully considered decision. Everything was calculated and planned. I spent three months preparing: collecting documents and taking care of all the paperwork for my dog.
At the beginning of the invasion, it was possible to leave under simplified procedures, without unnecessary certificates. But by the time we left, the rules had already become stricter. So I calmly arranged all the necessary examinations for my dog, got new documents, and we left fully prepared.
— Moving is always a leap into the unknown. Germany has a different mentality and its own laws. How did you plan your life here, starting from scratch?
— I was as prepared as possible when I moved. I understood that there would be new horizons, new opportunities and new people. I was very lucky that I had a friend in Germany. I am grateful that I was able to accept his help: he speaks the language, had already gone through everything that was waiting for me, and literally guided me by the hand everywhere.
When I crossed the border, I had already sent in my documents, and I had an appointment at the town hall shortly after arriving. When you have someone next to you who speaks German, there are far fewer problems.
— Speaking of the language. Since your friend helped you, I assume you did not know German?
— Absolutely zero. For me, the German language was the band Rammstein. I knew nothing else. But I was fascinated by the way people speak in Bavaria. There is this stereotype that German sounds harsh, but here they purr like little cats! I love it. I am fascinated by it.
I have always enjoyed learning languages. I studied Chinese and Armenian, and a little Arabic. Here I had the opportunity to attend integration courses, and I took it.
I now have a B2 certificate. Of course, I realize that I speak like a three-year-old child: I constantly mix up words and put them in the wrong order in a sentence.
Usually, I start conversations with Germans by apologizing for my German. But at the end, they always say, “Oh, don't worry, everything is fine, you speak perfectly well.” And I am very grateful to them for that support. It helps me not to withdraw into myself, but to keep speaking.
— Leaving home is difficult, but losing your social status can be even harder. What did you do in Ukraine?
— I am a mechanical engineer, specializing in mechanical engineering technology. That was a major part of my life for about ten years. I worked at various factories in Kharkiv: I designed equipment for the confectionery industry and even designed engines for tanks. I did all sorts of things in engineering!
Later, however, I realized that with that salary I would not be able to have everything I wanted. So I moved into web design — I started drawing the same tanks, but digitally.
I am very happy that engineers are needed and highly valued in Germany. When I say that I am a mechanical engineer, people look at me with respect. That gives me hope that I will be able to build a future here.
At the moment, I am taking online courses and learning new engineering software because the software used here is different from the Ukrainian one. Later, I plan to look for a job in my profession.
— And while you are studying, how do you make a living?
— I have a mini-job delivering newspapers. More precisely, I distribute them, because there are so many that carrying them would be difficult, so my car helps me.
I work on Saturdays. They deliver the newspapers to me, I spend two or three hours walking around and distributing them. At the same time, you are already paying pension contributions; you are a working person rather than simply living on social benefits.
I have two arms, two legs, and I am a qualified professional. Why should I live on government money simply because I am missing certain documents or language skills?
Objectively, I need the money. I am used to a different standard of living, and I would like to get back to it.
In addition, I volunteer with a social organization. We organize different projects for young people, elderly people and people with disabilities: board-game evenings, cultural evenings representing different countries and more.
— What exactly do you do in the organization?
— Mainly, I work with graphic content: I create flyers, Instagram posts and reels. I also run creative workshops. For example, recently I taught people how to make vytynanky. It is a traditional Ukrainian art form that anyone can try, and it attracted a lot of interest here.
— You mentioned that you deliver newspapers by car. I have seen photos of you on a motorcycle on social media.
— A car means comfort and practicality. Unfortunately, in everyday life, when you need to go to the supermarket, you choose the car. But a motorcycle is pure pleasure.
I have a black, matte Honda, beautiful, with a bow, and there are horns on my helmet. I also ride it to work at the office. There is a place where I can park the motorcycle among the bicycles, whereas you cannot really park a car there.
— When did you develop this passion for motorcycles?
— I have always wanted one. Since childhood, I dreamed of having three things: a dog, a motorcycle and a tattoo.
My brother now rides my old bike back home in Ukraine. In 2021, I bought myself a new motorcycle so that I could ride it in 2022 … and a bomb hit my garage. I no longer have that motorcycle. So I bought a new one here in Germany.
— What is the biker community like here?
— Bikers all over the world are a community of their own, incredibly friendly people. I have many biker friends in Ukraine, and it is the same here. If you simply stop by the roadside to take a break, every motorcyclist passing by will slow down and ask, “Did something happen?”
I remember an incident on my second day of riding. I had not calculated how much fuel I had left and ran out. I was pushing my motorcycle when a man suddenly stopped — a big guy who looked like an American police officer, wearing an open helmet with a radio.
He asked, “Are you going to a garage?” I said, “No, I ran out of fuel.”
He said, “Wait, I'll bring you some.” He drove away, filled a water bottle with two liters of petrol and brought it back to me.
I said, “Let me give you the money.” And he said, “Don't worry about it. Pass it on to someone else.”
It is an incredible feeling when a stranger helps you simply because they can and expects nothing in return. It gives you energy, and you pass that kindness on.
— And how did you find people to ride with here?
— I have a friend in Linz who is also a biker, and we ride together from time to time.
By the way, women in the biker community have their own privileges — for example, free entry to festivals. Women are sometimes not accepted into clubs; if they feel the need, they create their own club. Otherwise, of course, all the bikers ride together.
— You paint, make vytynanky, do design work and ride a motorcycle. And last year, at a market, I bought one of your toys inspired by Maria Prymachenko. Do you really have 24 hours in a day?
— I have ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). It is a condition that can make it difficult to concentrate, but at the same time, people with this diagnosis are the greatest collectors of hobbies.
I desperately need a dose of dopamine from something new, so I constantly want to try everything. I paint, knit, embroider, play computer games, build LEGO, exercise and take part in role-playing games.
Thanks to ADHD, it is as if I create a new personality for every person or situation. I find it interesting to explore myself.
— Tell us about the toys. Was it your idea to transfer paintings onto fabric?
— Yes, I developed the technique myself. I saw a painting by Prymachenko and thought, “Oh, it would be nice to turn this character into a keychain.” But then I realized that the entire pattern would not be visible at such a small size. So I made larger toys.
First there were rabbits, then a little bull, and this year a horse. I simply see a beautiful pattern and want to try bringing it to life.
It is the same with embroidery. I have three embroidered Ukrainian shirts: I bought one, and embroidered the other two myself. One of them took me two years!
— And there are also photos of you in a very interesting, almost mystical outfit …
— Oh, that was for Drachenfest, the “Dragon Festival.” It is a huge festival in Germany with around 5,000 people.
Imagine a field with dozens of camps, each with its own color and legend. The blue ones are pirates, the red ones are warriors.
We were in the red camp, playing the role of fierce Ukrainian witches who worship the goddess Mara.
Everything there is very dark, with skulls, but with our own cultural style. For this concept, I made myself a dark-red embroidered Ukrainian shirt, decorated it with black lace and a corset. It became a kind of “Gothic-Ukrainian” outfit.
I like combining Ukrainian aesthetics with something modern. Why does the world wear clothing with Italian motifs, but not Ukrainian ones? It is so beautiful.
— And with all of that, you also sing in a German church choir?
— Yes! (laughs) I simply like singing, and they perform songs beautifully here. I sing in a Catholic church in a village near Passau.
The whole choir consists of local Bavarian grandmothers and grandfathers. They are wonderful, funny and friendly people. They genuinely welcomed me into their group.
On holidays, I receive “100–500” greeting cards in the messenger from the grandmothers in the choir — with glitter, sparkle and everything! It is very sweet.
When we perform, they all wear dirndls, while I wear a German dress with Ukrainian jewelry. And my grandmothers are delighted by how it looks.
— What was your emotional state when you left Ukraine, and what is it like living here now?
— I was angry. I am constantly angry. That is my normal state, although I hardly show it and control myself a lot.
Since 2014, I have had incredible anger and panic attacks. I could not understand how, in the 21st century, a country could simply have a piece of its land taken away while the world did nothing.
Even back then, I thought about moving to America or Canada. And when I came to Germany, I realized that I felt extremely comfortable here.
— Has the war and life in Germany changed you?
— I think I have become a little more mature and started wanting to develop myself more. At the same time, this typical Ukrainian desire to constantly achieve something has disappeared.
In Ukraine, you live with the feeling that you have to be the main character in a film, novel or game.
In Germany, through talking to local people, I realized that you do not have to be the main character. You can be anyone and still have a normal, decent life.
That is what I want now — a normal life without extraordinary ambitions. I have slowed down a little, started looking around me and noticing the beauty of nature.
— How do you preserve your Ukrainian identity here, surrounded by the German language and culture?
— I listen to Ukrainian music, watch podcasts and read the news in Ukrainian. At the moment, I am reading Harry Potterin my native language. After 2014, I started increasingly reading Ukrainian books.
Music has had a huge influence on me, especially Tanok na Maidani Kongo and Tartak. I love their lyrics. They make you want to sing, and to sing them, you need to know the language. I even notice that my voice changes when I speak Ukrainian.
— Do you see your life continuing in Germany?
— Absolutely. I know that I do not even want to leave Bavaria. Everything suits me here: the climate, the people.
I am a person from a big city, but here I want to live in the countryside. Somewhere quiet and peaceful. If I need noise and excitement, I can get into my car or on my bike and go anywhere. But I want to come back to the quiet.
I live very quietly; I even play the guitar quietly.
— What do you dream about today?
— I dream of working in my profession, of having a house with a large garage where I can build a workshop and customize my motorcycle. I dream of new adventures and new tattoos.
By the way, I have a concept for my tattoos: I draw different superheroes on myself. Each one represents a particular characteristic or period of my life.
— You have come a long way in adapting over these years. What would you say to women who are still hesitating about whether to rebuild their lives?
— There is a very popular phrase: “When one door closes, another one opens.” And it works.
When space becomes available in your life, the universe gives you new options.
Imagine that you have finished school. Your whole previous life, your classmates, your neighborhood — all of it is left behind. It is like starting university: new people, new contacts. You have to build your life from scratch.
Take advantage of this opportunity. Remember who you once wanted to be but never had the chance to become. Here you have the opportunity to try something you could not afford to try before.
This is a country of opportunities.
Interview and editorial editing:
Slava Onufryk, Ukrainian journalist and volunteer
